The Power of Letting Go

There is a lot of energy that I will have to work my way through these months,  I feel this is a time of learning things that I have shielded myself from since Ryan passed.  There were so many things that I felt I wasn't ready to know about what happened at the house June 29th.  I asked everyone to not say anything but of course things slip out and you start to put pieces together.

 

It's one thing to put the pieces together from your own sense of well being and it's another to hear things from the mouths of others.  For whatever reason those words feel more impactful than what my brain allows me to put together.

 

October 28th was the first time I heard the Crown Council say certain things.  Things I had known but not embraced.  Things that I had heard, but not listened to.  Or absorbed.  There is a publication ban so I need to be cautious in what I say here but this blog isn't about the facts of the case, it's about my ability to be able to continue to cope.  Because I literally feel like that is all I am doing.  Running the day to day.  I'm tired.  I'm angry.  But mostly I am sad.  Sad that this is even my life now, my family's life.  Ryan's friends' lives.

 

And there are things I have noticed changed in me that I feel empowered by.  Emotions that I will no longer cater to those that play victim.  I will guide and be there but I will not hold space for others that won't hold space for themselves.  Or at the very least learn how to hold space for themselves.  I don't have that capacity anymore.  I will hold hands with those looking to move forward - through the veil - in positivity because if there is anything I am aiming for it is that the "coping " that I am doing is showing others that there is HOPE.  What that means I can't tell you right now, but I have HOPE.  And I'm willing to share it with others if they are open to receiving it.

 

I am resistant to taking on other people's wounds anymore.  I used to.  It was like my super power.  Trying to fix others so that they were in their happy place and I have come to the realization that it usually backfired on me in some capacity.  Yes, people received and received with gratitude but then they would twist it in some way.  And I believe that is because they didn't learn it themselves.  I did it for them.  

 

I've said it before, I'll say it again.  It is your personal responsibility to grow and ascend.  It is your free will choice to be defined by people and experiences.  Obstacles and challenges.  

 

Your flow is important.  You are important.  If you are walking in the light you will feel its warmth.  Shadows are not my jam.  I express with no apologies and f&*%'s given at this time in my life.  My energy may not be for everyone and that's just fine.  I need to do me.  Hard Stop.

 

Sometimes we juet have to put ourselves first and damn the consequences. I'm not afraid to let people go.  And I'm no longer afraid of being let go.  I know who my people are.