Personal Happiness & Healing

Where to begin......at the beginning I suppose, once upon a time I was happy.  Hard stop.  Today I don't want to discuss when I was happy and whether or not I am right now.  I want to discuss the emotions that have been rising up through the court process that we are currently going through with Ryan.  

 

 

There is a distinct shift with one of the suspects (we all know they did it but blah blah blah innocent until proven guilty) a shift that has thrown me for a bit of a loop, to be honest. 

 

 

I am in no way ready to talk about forgiveness.  But there is something that is making me feel...well.....off.

 

 

But I do realize that there is something profoundly happening within me hence the slight shift in anger I guess.  And that is I'm finding it hard to care as much about everything as I once did.  I am in a place of doing a lot of what is right for me thinking right now.  I want the new bathroom we have put off for one reason or another.  And so, I am making it happen.  I'm not worrying about the cost.  I'm worrying about how we only have one bathroom and they better do it quickly lol!  I want new floors in the living room, kitchen, and hallways.  And that is going to be done too. 

I want. I want. I want.  But I believe I need.  I need to see things being done.  Not put off.  Because what if there is no tomorrow?  What if like my friends Richard, Larry, Tracy, and now this past Friday one of my closest friends Lynn Marie, Mike, or I just passed away in our sleep?  If I keep waiting for tomorrow or next week or next year I may not ever see it (whatever it is) happen.  That's what I loved about Lynn Marie.  She was traveling and doing all the things even with all the challenges the Universe threw her way.  But she didn't get to go on that last trip. 

 

 

The Door to my personal happiness can only be opened by me. There is healing in living in the moment.  Because I, nor my Spirit Team, can be certain of the future.,  There are no fortune tellers my beautiful friends.     

 

 

I spent a whole lotta money on my kids' sports, dance, birthdays, Christmas.  My love language is "giving".  And I regret not one single thing.  Even if I'm still paying off Ryan's lax lol!  I. don't. care. It fills my heart to know they got to do the things.  All the things.  And of course, I know that things aren't everything in this life but when life is cut short I beg to differ.  

 

 

So do the things people!!!  Lynn Marie, next month I dedicate to you beautiful.  And I'm celebrating that you did all the things.  May you be at peace with Alex and hugging Ryan for me.  I'm not gonna cry but I might weep a little, my friend.  

 

Luv

Tara