Welcome to September! 

As we head into Fall (my absolute favorite Season of the year!) I have been contemplating what it really is that I am trying to accomplish with my Spiritual work.  How am I blending everything that I believe, that I feel with being of service to others and am I ultimately reaching those that I am meant to reach?

 

As much as I personally cringe at spending more than 5 minutes in meditation, I have been focusing on a new type of meditation for me.  One where I feel as though I am truly in a mindful state and capable of hearing what is being said.  And that state for me is when I am in a conscious state of trance with pen in hand and journal open.

 

It is here that I am recognizing who I am and that I don't fit into everyone else's mold and nor should I want too.  I don't want to me you and you most certainly don't want to be me lol.  We all have our list of flaws of character that we are consciously or subconsciously working through.  I've been asking the hard questions lately.  The why do relationships change when you aren't looking for change?  Why does it hurt (for lack of a better word at this time) when you realize someone isn't who you thought they were or a situation isn't what you perceived it to be?

 

The answers received were so simplistic in their stance that I was somewhat taken back!  Like What in the Hell.....kinda taken back.  My higher self was not overly gentle when they brought the following to my pen and therefore to my journal.  You are the creator of your own space.  You allow through the energy that you need to learn from and you remove the energy only when the lesson is learned.  You are focusing on whether you have failed others (and I was literally like I'm so not and my higher self smirked - I swear I did!) when in fact you are truly asking for the why you have failed yourself. 

 

And so I sat with that and here is what I know.  I have been waiting for myself.  I have literally been waiting and working through all these "great ideas" and putting others before myself because I thought I was only WORTHY if I did that!  

 

Do not get me wrong, I am very proud of who I am and what I have accomplished thus far but when I look back at what my human self was doing - I have to admit I was far more focused on the success of others than my own.  My healthy ego was being eaten alive by my bitter ego.   And everytime I tried to climb out of rabbit hole, I would think I was making gains but in reality!  I was just finding another rabbit hole. 

 

My lesson that I want to share as we are moving into the fall, the changing of the leaves.  As we embrace the slight chill that comes and the nights become darker.....is that I have always been who I've been waiting for.  I have always been enough.  My lesson was that I needed to see it.

 

Eyes wide open now and I'm flippin' here for it.  I am all in!  On my terms.  What work works and what doesn't is simply the lesson I needed in the moment.  Whoever fills my cup is along for the ride and those that don't, well, it is just what it is.  

 

So have you climbed out of your rabbit hole?  Do you or would you even recognize if you were in one?  Instead of being the one who says I give up, I can't change.  Be the one who says, I'm enough already, but I need more and then start to create it.  Even if it is from scratch.  Even if you aren't 100% sure what it is you are looking for - baby steps are always a step in the right direction.

 

Happy Autumn/Fall Equinox my Boo's.